5 comments on “I’m Afraid of Men by Vivek Shraya | Book Review

  1. “With the standard of ‘goodness’ in cis/straight men set so low. . .”

    Wow, this speaks to me. I’m so tired of hearing about how a man is the “best dad in the world” because he watched his kids while his wife got groceries, or he made some pancakes before his family woke up. Water and mix in a box? Is that the standard of goodness??

    That being said, it’s all so warped that I’m actually not sure if I CAN tell what a good man is. My husband is good to me in amazing, noticeable ways, ways that I don’t see other men striving for. On the other hand, he’s sometimes awkward in public and unsure of what to do. When I signed us up for a swimming class and he discovered that aside from him, only women had signed up, he didn’t want to go because he didn’t want anyone else to feel uncomfortable in what became a female space. It’s a co-ed class! So then I can’t tell if he’s going overboard, or what.

    • Right?? The stuff that constitutes a ‘good man’ is so often the stuff that women do every day without anyone even noticing, let alone expecting praise for it.

      I can see why that was a tricky situation for your husband. It’s great that he was conscientious and self-aware enough to consider how his presence could potentially change the atmosphere in an otherwise female environment. Sounds like you’ve definitely got yourself one of the good ones! 😋 But then it’s a shame we’ve reached a point where good men like him feel they HAVE to think that way.

      • Yeah, I couldn’t tell if it was the right choice or not. I mean, we ARE in bathing suits, which could be a sticking point, but we’re also in a pool in which men swim laps in lil speedos (NOT the norm in the U.S.).

  2. This book sounds incredible, I’ve added it straight to my TBR. The patriarchy serves no-one and the more books that there are exploring this idea from diverse, intersectional perspectives the better 😊

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