Nothing could have prepared me for this. I no longer felt any pain, anger or regret. I wish I did, maybe then I would have had a chance; a tangible enemy within me to fight back against. Instead, all I am left with is a barren emptiness. This cold void where my heart used to be – the desolate cave robbed of all its former love – it’s too much for me to bear.
The people around me try to break their way through the concrete walls my mind has built but it’s futile. They wouldn’t find me even if they did. I’m not there anymore, not really.
I can feel it. The darkness is snaking its way through my very being, reaching from my core and wrapping itself around my lungs. It’s taunting me; squeezing just tight enough to hold my breath prisoner but not yet enough to put an end to this living hell.
And so I find myself in the water now. Currents are lapping at me like monstrous hands, desperate to pull me in. For the first time since it happened, I can truly see. The birds are chirping and the trees are swaying but their beauty is gone, replaced by a sense of bittersweet longing that she could only be here to see them with me one last time. But she can’t. She can never return, and so I must join her.
I wade deeper until the ground gives way beneath my feet to an endless chasm of sorrow and death. In those final moments, as the sun shimmered through my watery grave and sparkled off the pebbles below, I swear I saw her bright blue eyes, waiting to welcome me home.
I wrote this piece as a response to the latest prompt over at Featured Fiction. Its inspiration actually came from a heart-breaking article about a mother drowning herself in the same water her child had died in that I read a while ago and it sat in my mind for a long time. I originally wrote a poem – one I plan to post on my blog soon – but something about this prompt made the feelings materialise again and I wanted to readdress them accordingly. Thanks for reading.